


"I love you."

by Kittycombs



Series: Tumblr prompts [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Gen, M/M, Redeemed Ben Solo, Redemption AU, Save Ben Solo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-03-07 21:08:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13443429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kittycombs/pseuds/Kittycombs
Summary: Ben has been avoiding him.When he told Rey this, she had insisted that, no, he wasn't, he was just really busy teaching people how the First Order worked and training with Luke and Rey. Poe had nodded to her, too tired to try and protest. Ben has been avoiding him.





	"I love you."

**Author's Note:**

> Transferred from my tumblr, [which is here](https://kittycombswriting.tumblr.com/post/169974974977/dialogue-prompts-6-benpoe)

Ben has been avoiding him.

When he told Rey this, she had insisted that, no, he wasn't, he was just really busy teaching people how the First Order worked and training with Luke and Rey. Poe had nodded to her, too tired to try and protest. Ben _has_ been avoiding him.

When Poe walks into a room, Ben walks out as soon as possible. Doesn't matter the circumstances; he’ll finish his conversation and then leave, he’ll just finish his bite of food and then return the rest. If he sees Poe coming down the hallway he’ll turn around the nearest corner.

And all the while with that absurd sabaac face that he learned from his dad firmly in place. Wearing a mask without wearing a mask.

Needless to say, it's very frustrating.

The only people Ben has been avoiding more are Finn and Han. Poe suspects he would be avoiding Luke and Leia too, but he has to discuss the Dark Side and First Order operations with them, respectively. He can see that it's slowly killing Han inside, having his son back after so long, only to have Ben not even look at him. Poe hasn't seen Luke’s reaction to all of this, but Leia clenches her jaw whenever Ben calls her General Organa in casual conversations.

Finn seems to be the only one not annoyed by this distance. Of course, Finn and Ben don't really have a history the way Ben and the rest do.

Poe knows he shouldn't _really_ complain that much. Ben is back, and he's been fighting the First Order tooth and nail, raging against those who hurt him for so long. No one can match him in saber combat, obviously, which is good, considering that Snoke has let the Knights of Ren out full force. (It's a bit odd to watch, though, as Ben hasn't had time to make a new lightsaber and has continued to use the old one. Poe is too selfish to reveal the green kyber crystal that hangs around his neck next to his mother’s wedding ring.) Ben also has damn good aim with a blaster, though if that's natural or Force-enhanced, Poe can't say.

And of course, Ben is one hell of a pilot. It was almost a joke between them when they were younger (everything between them was when they were younger), who can fly more types of ships. At last known count, they had been tied.

The thing that gets everyone the most is the Force healing. It had been Paige Tico that he’d helped first. She’d caught a blaster bolt to the leg, and the infirmary had been busy enough that she had decided against going. Ben had walked up to her, eyes on the floor, and offered to heal it for her. When she asked what he meant he'd said, in a small, shy voice, “no one wanted to help me in the First Order, so I learned how to help myself.” What was left of Poe’s heart had shattered even further.

It had been fascinating to watch, even though everyone around pretended not to.

“Is it okay if I touch your leg?” He'd asked.

Paige had nodded, and Poe wasn't Force sensitive, by even he could feel the energy in the room shift slightly. Greenish wisps seems to flow from Ben’s hand, and Paige has watched in amazement as her skin pulled itself back together. A joke about itching later, and Ben had been accepted into Paige’s life.

There didn't seem to be anything useful that Ben couldn't do, or at least be willing to try to do. It had taken a while for everyone to trust him, but soon everyone was asking his opinion on their ships, and he had no qualms about climbing all over them to fix things. Most days Ben walked into the mess for evening meal with his hair tied back and grease on his arms and face, not quite smiling, but almost.

And still Ben avoided Poe. When Ben had finally allowed himself to sit with the pilots who had wormed their way into his friendship, as soon as Poe had showed up he'd made his excuses and left.

Needless to say, Poe was about ready to pull his hair out.

This feeling is not lessened when he can't find BB-8. His droid had accidentally been shoved real hard into a corner, and Poe had been too busy to take care of it immediately like he wanted to, and now that he had time, he couldn't find his _force-damned droid._

Poe is wandering the base, listening for any of his little buddy’s telltale little beeps, when just inside the little grassy courtyard deep in the middle of the base, he hears a deep, quiet voice.

“No, it's not because he doesn't love you, BB. Poe’s just busy. He's a big deal in the Resistance now. I'm sure that if he'd had time he would have fixed you himself right away. Ah, if you'd rather he do it I can send somebody to go find him.”

BB-8 lets out a series of beeps. _Or you could go find him._

“I...I don't think Poe wants to see me. It's probably for the better that I just stay away. Now, stay still, your circuit board is open and I've gotta set this new fuse in.”

_I’ll behave, Benny!_

Poe braces his back against the wall as Ben chuckles, afraid his knees might give out.

“No one’s called me that in years, BB. I'm a little surprised you remember me, honestly.”

_I could never forget Maker Benny! Friendly Poe says you made me orange and white like a flight suit because he likes to fly!_

“Hmm. Yeah, I did. Have you worked well all these years? I hope you didn't need a lot of repairs all the time.”

_No! I am in very good condition! C3-PO says that I am almost indestructible!_

“Good. I tried to make you real sturdy, figuring all the trouble Poe gets into.” There's a sad sort of fondness in Ben’s voice, and Poe scrunches his eyes up, willing himself not to cry frustrated tears.

_Poe gets into much trouble! He does not like to keep himself safe as much as he likes to keep other people safes!_

“He needs to get his head out of his cockpit.”

_General Leia says the same thing!_

Ben snorts. “Classic flyboy. Needs to realize that being a hero ain't all it's cracked up to be.”

_But you are a hero, Benny!_

“Nah, BB. I'm barely not a villain any more.”

There's a sound of metal tools being gathered and then a hollow pat.

“I think you're all good, BB. Be more careful next time, and don't scratch your paint job.”

_Yes, sir!_

“No need to call me that. We're friends, BB.”

_Yes, friend Benny!_

Ben laughs. “Love you too, kid.”

BB-8 lets out a happy little whirl and whizzes off _right down the hallway Poe is hiding in_.

Poe pretends that he just started walking this way. “There you are buddy! I've been looking for you! You ready to get fixed?”

_Maker Benny fixed me up!_

Poe walks into the courtyard, where Ben has frozen in the act of putting his tools away. The sunlight all but glitters in his hair and he looks beautiful.

“Ben, you fixed my droid?”

Ben stands up quickly, face bright red, tools and kit held in his arms. “Uh, yeah,” he says, not looking at Poe. “Uh, sorry.”

“Ben, you don't need to-”

“I'll just get out of your hair now,” Ben says, walking backwards quickly out of the room, almost tripping over himself.

Poe drops to the ground in a heap and sighs.

***

Poe starts frequenting the courtyard, hoping that he can corner Ben in there and force that stupid nerf-herder to _just talk to him for more than four seconds._

But Ben seems to have abandoned the place.

Poe still visits. It's calming. The sun isn't oppressive, and there's a little stream and pond with a small waterfall. There's a few trees around, and it reminds him of home.

After a particularly stressful strategy meeting, Poe wanders back to the courtyard only to find it occupied.

Ben is lying there, stomach down on the grass, head pillowed on his folded arms, face away from Poe.

Poe slips his boots and jacket off in the hallway, and creeps over towards Ben as quietly as possible.

“Rey, you don't need to sneak around like that.”

Poe stiffens. Ben thinks he's Rey. Poe can work with that.

He lies down gently on his side, looking at the back of Ben’s head. His hair looks soft.

Ben sighs. “Go ahead and braid it, I know you want too.”

Poe suppresses a gasp. He used to loved playing with Ben’s hair. He never thought he'd get the chance again.

Poe reaches carefully out with one hand, and threads his fingers into the silky strands.

Ben's hair is warm - from his body or the sun, Poe doesn't know. What he does know is that it's almost heartbreakingly soft. Poe shifts so that his other hand is free, and starts to wind a small braid out of a section, before running his fingers back through to undo it. This continues on for quite some time, Poe braiding and unbraiding Ben’s hair, neither of them saying a word. Poe tries not to feel like a fraud - Ben still thinks he's Rey, after all.

Ben is breathing deeply, almost asleep, when he grumbles out in a deep, gravelly voice, “hmm...feels real nice.”

Poe doesn't say anything, just scales his blunt fingernails over Ben’s scalp.

Ben huffs. “Are you still mad at me? Cause giving me the silent treatment won't change my mind. I hurt him, Rey. He's just going to yell at me when he ends up getting me alone. Hell, maybe he'll eventually snap and just do it in the mess. And I've had enough yelling for approximately seven lifetimes. Let it go, Rey. I know he's mad at me, and I know I deserve it, and I know that Luke wants me to face my mistakes, and _I'm trying._ It's just...I know you want to understand, Rey. I just don't think you can. Poe and I - there's a lot of history there.”

Poe clenches his teeth together.

“And yeah, I know that I'm being a coward. I just don't want what we were to be tainted by what I did, just like everything else. I don't want to look back at all those times I was happy and only remember him yelling at me about how he hates me.”

Ben sighs deeply, turning his face entirely into his arms.

Before he can process what he's doing, Poe’s mind goes _now or never_ and his mouth speaks.

“I love you.”

Ben gasps, pushing himself up and staring at Poe, horrified. “Poe - I'm - I'm sorry, you shouldn't have heard that - I -” he starts scrambling backwards, away from Poe. Poe follows him, gripping one of his wrists. Ben freezes.

They lock eyes.

“I love you,” Poe says again. “I always have.”

Ben huffs. “You can't _always_ have.”

“Who are you to say when I can and can't love?” Poe sits cross-legged, facing Ben, still holding his wrist. He uncurls Ben’s palm and starts tracing the lines there, the bumps of all the rough calluses. This is his right hand, his saber hand, his tool hand. A hand that has hurt and fixed and killed and saved. “Even when you were hurting me, I loved you. Part of me hated myself for it, but I didn't stop. Ben, I never stopped.” He looks up at Ben’s face. Ben won't meet his eyes.

Poe takes his other hand and fits it to Ben’s cheek and jaw, turning Ben’s head towards him. “And I never will.”

“Poe, I -”

“Was I angry? Absolutely. Angry at Snoke for taking you away. Angry at Snoke for taking my sweet boy and twisting him all up in knots until I barely recognized him. Angry at Luke for running away when you needed him. And yeah, maybe a little angry at you for going with them.” Poe swipes his thumb across Ben’s cheek. “For leaving me. But that's not important now.” He moves closer to Ben, moving his fingers to the back of his neck, thumb in front of his ear. “What's important is that you came back. What's important is you regret what you did and you're trying to make things better. What's important is that you're sorry.”

“I am, Poe. More than anything.”

Poe moves cautiously, even closer. “I know. And you've been helping. You've been accepted. You've let almost everyone else in.” Poe moves in so close that he's almost in Ben’s lap. “Will you let me in, Ben? Will you let me love you?”

Ben swallows, tears in his eyes. “I don't deserve you.”

Poe moves both of his hands to Ben’s face, leaning close and tilting his head, asking permission. “Then I don't deserve you either. You went through so much and came out good at the end. All I've done is fly some ships. Ben. Please?”

Ben sniffles, twin tears running down his face. “Yes. Yes, Poe, yes.”

Ben’s hands grasp at Poe’s shoulder blades, and his nails are digging in, and it hurts a little, but Poe couldn't care less because he's kissing Ben, and more importantly Ben is kissing him back.

It’s going to be okay. They're going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to send me more prompts on my blog! I also write for the MCU and Tolkien


End file.
